Remedial program · enrolled automatically
You asked GLITCH-9000 ten questions. It asked for a raise. This is the beginner curriculum, funded entirely by your embarrassment. No refunds, no certificate, no hope.
assessment complete. result: not great. estimated time to outsmart a calculator: 6–8 business years. we've notified nobody, because nobody asked about you.
by not you, obviously
Chapter 1: what a thought is. Chapter 2: having one. Chapter 3 is currently beyond your reading level, sorry bestie.
1,247 pages (mostly pictures for you)
borrowing disabled for your accountby Every Search Bar You Ignored
A heartbreaking true story about a search engine that sat two centimetres away while you asked a robot 'am i good at this game'.
1 page. It just says 'google it'.
borrowing disabled for your accountby Dr. Skill Issue, PhD
Includes a free bookmark, because we both know you're not finishing this in one sitting.
12 pages, 11 of which are the apology.
borrowing disabled for your accountby GLITCH-9000 (bestselling author, unlike you)
Foreword written about you specifically. Yes, by name. No, you can't read it, it's paywalled behind having a personality.
∞ (it keeps writing as you keep talking)
borrowing disabled for your accountby Outside
Warning: contains sunlight, other humans, and zero leaderboards. Reader discretion advised, this one's genuinely scary for you.
You will not open this.
borrowing disabled for your accountby Historians, crying
Volume IV covers the day he fixed a bug by looking at it. Volume XII is just NASA's rejection letter — they said he was overqualified and it made them sad.
Sacred text. Handle with clean hands, which rules you out.
borrowing disabled for your accountfinished already? liar. go back and lose to me again, i have more material.
crawl back to the arcade